Noise...

It has been quite a while since I wrote my last blog. There has been this debate in my mind for the last few days - it is actually like a subtle background noise for everything am doing of late. I wanted to get this out of my mind and hence this attempt :-)

It is actually a sequence of questions that led to this 'noise'. For example, while reading a book, these are the questions that led to the 'noise' come to foreground:

1) What is the purpose of life?
Answer - no idea

2) What am I doing?
Answer - reading this book

3) Why am I doing this?
Answer - To get some knowledge and kill off time as am getting bored

4) Why are you getting bored?
Answer - I have not figured out what else to do

5) OK. Why do you want to get some knowledge?
Answer - I have always had this affinity to books. May be as a kid I learnt reading books / getting knowledge might help later in life.

6) That still does not answer that question to the point?
Answer - OK. It is for getting some benefit later in life.

7) Why are you planning for this benefit when you know nothing can be predicted about future?
No Answer really :)

8) OK. If it is for some benefit today or whenever, what does it lead to?
Answer - I would be happy.

9) Why do you want to be happy?
!!!!!

This is precisely where am getting stuck and not able to proceed after this.

I brought it up with Abi and we had a conversation this morning discussing the answer. She simply said "Happiness is the way life tends to be. If you just leave any life without disturbing it, that is what it will tend towards."

Somehow that answer made sense but at the same time I still had the incomplete feeling with it. Then I brought up the discussion about perfection. Are we tending towards happiness because we are tending towards perfection? May be we have some idea that being happy is equivalent to being perfect?

Abi was not convinced with that and we kept discussing till we realized it was getting late to office and pay my taxes. So all the 'noise' again went into background and we were running behind tax payment today being the last day for it :-)

Now that I got some free time, I was idly browsing the internet and sure enough the noise came to foreground. This time, I have decided to write it down and see if something more comes to mind, at least after this. Ain't I being optimistic? :-)